Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
