1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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