well you can't waste a boner
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
