My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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