So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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