Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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