How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
