idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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