end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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