dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sober January is a disaster.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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