Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
