nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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