I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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