tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
as a side note pls kill me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
