I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
