i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
