Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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