lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
