Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We left an ass print on the piano.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
