I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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