For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
