I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
