She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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