sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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