I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
