new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
