I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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