I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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