I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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