this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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