I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
