I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
