They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
