you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
