You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
