Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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