new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
