I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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