so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i love accidental penises.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
