I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
