Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
