Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
