Where is the hickey?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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