2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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