i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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