at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
