Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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