Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If that was your dad, he is hot
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
