Got a toothbrush?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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