He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
