what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
