need another drink. this is the easiest way
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
