My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
