I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
