I'm so fucking centered right now
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
