that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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