Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
