Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
