a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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