96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
