my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
