dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You're like the curious george of whores
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My bed smells like the plague
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
