i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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