you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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