Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
