I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
