he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
