if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
