remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
