Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
